Here I am - all ready to go off to the library at Bury St Edmunds, to give an author talk. You can’t quite see it, but I have a third bag over my shoulder because I can’t travel light. I have ten notebooks to give out for the exercise, four copies or so of each of my books, plus pens, my notebook which contains all the notes from all my author talks, my own copies of the books annotated so that I can read bits out, a few items to make the book table look more interesting, five sets of story cubes, several pictures of people etc etc.
I am wearing a brightly coloured, recently purchased, long dress which feels really good. It has a floaty voluminous skirt with pockets, a cotton lining and the bodice fits nicely and is comfortable. I even have a cardigan that goes well. I am about to set off feeling less anxious than usual - eager and confident.
So off I went, after my casual photo shoot, and arrived early. There was plenty of time to set up in the bright airy room. Seven people came, all were eager to hear about me and my books and, with a bit of friendly persuasion, they all took part in the workshop. I even sold a few books. The only thing that went wrong was a tearing sound as I stood up from my metal-legged chair to help someone. I couldn’t see a tear around the hem of my dress that had been trailing on the floor so, being grateful that all was well, I carried on with my teaching. Afterwards I chatted to the librarians, went and had coffee, strolled around Bury, looked in some shops.
A few days later I wore the dress again for a meal out. It was admired by total stranger, who told me it was lovely and it suited me. I smiled and thanked her. She hovered as if there was something else to say, before turning away. Back at home the next day, I was looking for the washing instructions to the dress and found a huge tear, not around the hem, but about five centimetres below the waistband at the back!
I am sure the day I tore my dress was the same day I was being at my author best - talking about books and sharing writing skills. I am very grateful for the cotton lining because my short cardigan stopped way above the tear. Even so, it’s a very humiliating experience to find you have been walking around in torn clothing.
Moral of the story? Never put faith in material things to boost your self-confidence - especially not if the material is lightweight cotton!
And on a more serious note:
1 Peter 5:6,7 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
